Awakenings
by Loralei Fairhill
Summary: Mild-mannered, slightly anti-social Usagi-the-insignificant-copygirl never imagined the repercussions of her interview with
1. Inside

Awakenings  
Part 1: "Inside"  
By: Loralei Fairhill  
Rated: R (read: If you can't handle mature material, you shouldn't  
be here.)  
Genre: AR  
  
  
  
"For some autumn comes early, stays late through life where October   
follows September and November touches October and then instead of   
December and Christ's birth, there is no Bethlehem Star, no   
rejoicing, but September comes again and old October and so on down   
the years, with no winter, spring or revivifying summer. For these   
beings, fall is the ever normal season, the only weather, there be   
no choice beyond. Where do they come from? The dust. Where do they   
go? The grave. Does blood stir in their veins? No: the night wind.   
What ticks in their head? The worm. What speaks from their mouth?   
The toad. What sees from their eye? The snake. What hears with   
their ear? The abyss between the stars. They sift the human storm   
for souls, eat flesh of reason, fill tombs with sinners. They   
frenzy forth. In gusts they beetle-scurry, creep, thread, filter,   
motion, make all moons sullen, and surely cloud all clear-run   
waters. The spider-web hears them, trembles--breaks. Such are the   
autumn people. Beware of them."  
  
~Pastor Newgate Phillips, excerpt from Ray Bradbury's _Something   
Wicked This Way Comes_  
  
  
Okay, this is probably going to sound completely strange, but I'm  
adding this section to my author's notes because I feel that this  
piece goes better with the music I listened to while writing it.   
^_^ Suggested Music to listen to while reading:   
When you read this first part, put on Jibrille (Angel Sanctuary   
album). After that, one of the character themes (Alexial or Rociel)   
and then the Sanctus (also Angel Sanctuary). And when the castle   
scene comes up, change songs to Hana Yori Dango's Rui's theme.   
After that, put Adamu Kadamu's theme from Angel Sanctuary on. Then   
City-Hunter Nina (it's a lovely piano solo). Then comes Suzaku from  
the Outlaw Star soundtrack. . . . After that, put on Vanessa-Mae's   
Toccata and Fugue in D minor. The last song is Scarlet (v. II)! I   
love Ayashi no Ceres *grins* and then . . . Continue on to part two   
of this fic! --If you want this music, I'll be more than happy   
to send it to you. Just ask! Thanks for reading, minna! ^_^   
And remember: EMAIL IS GOOD!  
  
Loralei1300@aol.com  
  
  
Loralei1300@aol.com  
  
  
Loralei1300@aol.com  
  
  
Loralei1300@aol.com  
  
  
Loralei1300@aol.com  
  
  
  
  
  
A steady, trickling stream of water made its way lethargically  
down the pointed stalactite and dripped large, mineral-filled tears   
onto the cave's uneven floor. The sound of it permeated the room   
and shattered the silence.   
The chamber itself was riddled with crevices, some branching   
off into other, smaller caves, some leading directly into the deep   
chasm that yawned menacingly below the ground of the room. It had   
been formed by the vagrant drops over thousands of years; their   
throng bore through the stone in smooth strokes, each of their   
number lending a helping hand to create the menace that was the   
bottomless pit.  
Of course, the cave's formation had no value. It was the evil   
held captive within that would affect the outside world. For   
centuries, the well hidden, remote area had disguised and protected   
the inhabitant of the cave. But all things cannot last, and one   
day a ray of light found itself caught in the room. It was enough   
to start the chain reaction of the awakening; the shadows reeled   
and fled to darker corners, frightened of the illuminating light.   
And thus, the intricately carved mahogany box found itself exposed.  
Light was its sworn enemy; how ironic that it would the one   
to start the awakening. Even though the beam tried in vain to   
expose the sleeper encased in the coffin, it was to no avail;  
expertly sealed, it protected its occupant well from the errant   
strand of murderous light. So the beam searched for a way out,   
which it unfortunately never found. It thought to escape through  
one of the rough-hewn, jagged holes in the floor and was swallowed   
by the endless black void of the chasm.  
How the creature of darkness the aged slats of wood contained   
released itself from its unrusted metal bonds was unknown. Yet   
somehow it found a way, and, as soon as the light was gone, the   
lid of the box stirred. There came a great rustling noise that   
drowned out the sound of dripping water, and the coffin bounced   
a few times, stopped, then bounced again. As it hopped up and down,   
the lid seemed to wriggle loose of its own volition and flew   
across the room where it shattered against a stony wall, smashing   
itself to pieces.   
In the complete darkness, the being which had been held for   
so long within stepped out. It tested its stiff limbs, unused to   
the freedom it now possessed. Then it shifted shapes, taking on  
the form of one of the animals that had often frequented the cave   
in the past, but had been driven out when the creature was sealed   
within. It stretched and extended its fingers, molding them to  
wings, skin stretched taut over them. It shrank, and, in a sudden   
burst of energy, flung itself into the air and traced the path of   
the light beam to its freedom.  
After many hours of searching, it came upon its last obstacle:   
the possibility that there could be harmful, killing daylight outside   
which would bring its new-found pleasure of no longer being a captive   
in the cursed box to a swift end. There could be no turning back,   
however. Once out of the box, it would not go back; the surge of   
longing for what it once had would return with a vengeance if denied.   
So it winged back, then flew forward into the great arc of night sky,  
wheeling and turning in sudden joyous movements, finally free.  
Wondrous happiness for one person, however, is ultimate despair   
for another. The havoc caused by one evil creature would start   
again that night as it began its descent into the forest, searching   
all the while for a human settlement in which to make its home and   
spread its message of darkness.  
  
~^^~  
  
"No, this isn't right! How could you, you little demon?" Tsukino   
Usagi ranted as she tried in vain to wrench the tightly wrapped brown   
parcel from the mouth of her cat, Luna. "Just give me the package and   
I'll put a special treat in your food dish when I feed you next, okay?"   
she cajoled.  
The cat merely responded by pulling harder and ripping into the   
rough paper a bit more with her pointed little teeth.  
"You are absolutely impossible, Luna! I swear, sometimes you act   
more like an annoying sibling than a cat. Please, just drop it . . .   
I'll go out and buy you a new toy . . . or some catnip . . . or . . .   
or . . . I don't know! I need the box. It . . . it . . ." she trailed   
off. There was no earthly reason why she wanted the measly package so   
badly, in truth. It was just getting on her nerves that a cat thought   
she could lord over her mistress.  
Said cat did not budge, obviously enjoying having the power for   
once, her feline you-must-worship-me instincts loving the holiday.   
Usagi was practically on her knees begging for a piece of cardboard.   
The situation was laughable.  
"What can I do to make you leave it?" she pleaded, her head   
spinning.  
Her final question prompted Luna to stalk out of the room, tail   
high, nose in the air, parcel still in her mouth.  
Usagi let out a frustrated sigh and turned to the rest of the   
mail. She would have to wait until the damned cat decided it wasn't   
really a plaything after all and left it alone to open it.   
She sifted through the assortment of bills, annoying   
advertisements and letters from friends, quite uninterested in her   
task. That is to say, she didn't care until she came upon the   
mysterious and suspiciously elegant invitation. Wrapped in a   
star-printed length of ribbon to hold it shut and sprinkled with   
small silver crescent moons and black bats, the rough envelope seemed   
to command Usagi's attention from the first moment she laid eyes on   
it. It was as though the letter held as much power over her as the   
strange package. But she didn't even think for a moment that they   
could be connected.  
Gingerly, so as not to rip the beautiful midnight blue paper,   
she eased the envelope open and drew forth a length of yellowed   
parchment. In deep indigo writing that flowed sensuously   
across the page in a familiar and distinctive script, she read   
that she was invited to attend a masquerade ball given by the   
new owner of Ibusu Shiro, inheritee of the title of Baron, in honor   
of the historical holiday of his ancestors, Samhain**, the night   
of the dead. She immediately recognized that Samhain was the ancient   
name for All Hallow's Eve, or rather, in modern terms, Halloween.   
But she could recall from the days when she discussed religious  
points of view with her various friends that the one who was   
Wiccan was very vehement in his separation of Samhain from   
Halloween. He said that it wasn't about hiding the children from   
the evil spirits by making them wear costumes as much as honoring   
the deceased, and possibly, the undead. She could hear him making   
a comment about how she was wrong in thinking that the Irish   
invented the rituals it involved in the 5th century B.C.E.* and   
that it was actually the ancient Celts who started it all with   
their religion centering around the life-giving mother Goddess and  
her consort God, also known as the Horned One. Branching off from   
that, she seemed to hear him continue, there was a faction made   
up of women, who worshipped the Goddess by night, and a faction   
of men, who worshipped the God by day. And those two groups were   
very close to what would later become the Druids.  
She suddenly wondered why she had been listening so   
attentively that day. Maybe she just had an unnatural interest   
in the unexplainable, but she really did feel as though on  
Samhain, the spirits came through the portal from the other realm   
and visited the land of the living. She shuddered, glanced down,   
and realized that there was more to the letter than just that.  
It included a personal invitation from the Baron himself for   
her to visit any time to acquaint herself with his new home, and   
if it would please her, to write a story about it and publish it   
in the paper she was currently working for. In addition, it stated   
that the Baron was anxious to meet her, and wanted to know if she   
had received his package along with the note, which contained a  
charm she was to bring along to the party.  
Usagi was stupefied. She had never given one thought to the   
fact that there was a castle situated on the side of the hill   
overlooking her town, much less known of anyone who lived there or   
associated with them. It took her quite by surprise that this Baron   
would want her there, in any event. She was a young woman, fresh   
out of college and full of ideas, but bogged down by the fact that   
although she was working for the paper, she was a mere errand and   
copy girl. It was pitiful, really, that even with the best of   
educations and the most creative ideas, one had to wait at least four   
years (or so she had been told when she was hired) to even be   
considered to write an article worth publishing.  
Well, I'll show them! she thought proudly, clenching her fists.   
This will bring me to the top. Think! A story on the elusive   
Baron . . . the whole world will want to know about it. He's   
famous . . . and rich . . . and eligible. . . .  
She blushed suddenly at her thoughts. She hadn't even met the   
man, though she had spotted his face on countless magazine covers,   
and here she was fantasizing about him! She berated herself   
thoroughly, then thought better of it. What girl wouldn't dream of   
being swept off her feet by a dashing member of the aristocracy in   
an age of disillusionment concerning such affairs?  
So it was decided; she would meet with him and accept the   
invitation, along with all the baggage it carried. . . .  
  
~^^~   
  
The castle looked tall, dark, and imposing as Usagi watched in   
come into view from the windshield of her car. Its looming form   
grew rapidly closer, and she could feel her heart beat speed up   
at the thought of visiting it. Its presence gave her chills and   
made some unnamable emotion stir in her blood.  
In her zeal to get the "story of the year," she realized, as   
she pulled closer to the top of the steep incline and her destination,   
that she hadn't told a living soul where she was heading. If the   
Baron turned out to be some sort of creep, how would she get   
away? In that castle, with that company, she might not be found   
for days, if she was even missed. And she doubted that she would   
be missed; she was the insignificant errand girl, right? Who   
cared about her welfare?  
Well, she knew that wasn't exactly true . . . she had   
friends, and plenty of them. Just none she decided were trustworthy   
enough not to scream out to the entire universe that she was the  
lucky so-and-so that was going to meet the Baron face to face, and   
with every luxury he wanted to provide.  
She giggled to herself as she imagined him, tall, dark, and   
imposing, like his castle, bending over her and sweeping her up   
into a passionate embrace. She sighed dreamily, pretending to run   
her fingers through his thick, silky ebony hair, even humming   
with pleasure, and as a result, her concentration went off the   
road for a moment. That moment was all her car needed to swerve   
dangerously into the opposite lane, putting her life in jeopardy.  
Of course, with her luck, she was unharmed. The truck that   
had been coming down the road didn't pass by her until a few long   
seconds after she had gotten her vehicle back into its proper  
lane. Even so, her heart fluttered, and her head pounded. It was   
not a good omen to be in such a situation right before meeting   
a new person. . . . But never mind that. It was just "silly"   
superstition, after all, and Usagi brushed it off as such.  
She held the steering wheel steady and kept her thoughts on   
the road for the remainder of the uneventful trip.  
  
~^^~  
  
Ibusu Shiro seemed even more imposing in person than it did   
from far away and that wasn't leaving much room for anything else   
to dominate the skyline. Its tall, sharp gables pierced the bleak   
clouds above and swarmed with peaks and spires. The windows were   
long and lean affairs, gracing the sides of the house with their   
swirled presence, their glass smoky and hard to gaze through as   
a result of their age.   
An air of gloom, and possibly, Usagi mused, doom shrouded   
the grounds, even reaching to the myriad of rose bushes whose   
tangled growth grew maze-like along the sides of the entrance drive   
way and up the path to the front door.   
One foot in front of the other, she passed by the roses,   
their blooms full and their fragrance intoxicating. She reached   
the doorway without trouble, lifted the massive carved   
door-knocker and dropped it. The sound that issued from it boomed   
and echoed into the far reaches of the mansion.   
Moments dragged on, but no one came to receive her at the   
door. She stood impatiently, tapping her foot, shuffling her weight   
back and forth, until her annoyance grew to the point where she   
took the handle of the door in her hands and pulled. The heavy   
oak panel fell open easily, almost as if there was someone on  
the other side pushing it outwards to help her. Even so, it creaked   
and groaned in protest.   
Usagi wondered if it really was such a wonderful idea to   
have come without telling anyone or bringing someone with her.   
Yet just as she was beginning to second-guess herself, however, she  
heard strong footsteps falling down the stairs and into the front   
hallway. She squinted into the half-light of the room in front   
of her and could barely make out the form of the Baron.  
"Tsukino Usagi?" he called to her, his voice melodious and   
gruff as her imaginings.   
She smiled a bit at part of her dream being realized, then   
quickly snapped out of it to respond with a soft, "Yes, I'm she."  
He was all the way to the doorway by that point, and his   
size seemed to dwarf the massive columns beyond. She looked up   
at him, her wide blue eyes hopeful, and he smiled in return.  
"I'm so glad you're here. Please come in, come in! I've   
waited for so long to see you."   
His presence is dazzling, she thought hazily, and heady like   
good wine. . . . I wonder. "Waited for me?" she asked unsteadily.  
"Why, yes. I thought you knew! That's why I moved here in the   
first place. To get closer to you," he began. He took her arm   
lightly and started to lead her down the long, dimly lit corridor.   
Her eyes wandered along the vaulted ceiling, taking in the   
grandeur and the silence of Ibusu Shiro. It was magnificent, and   
wild, but strangely enough, it frightened her. She shivered  
unknowingly, and the Baron slipped his arm around her shoulders.  
"Is something wrong, my dear? Are you cold?" he whispered.   
The sound of his voice ricocheted off of the walls and into the   
gloom.  
She shook her head. "Sorry," she replied.  
"What do you have to be sorry about?" he asked, amused.   
"Nothing." She looked at the marble floor passing lazily   
under the tread of her shoes. Why do I feel so apprehensive? she   
asked herself. The feeling of unease was growing on her the farther   
into the castle she went.  
"Then why did you shiver?" He stopped and turned to face her,   
his eyes searching hers. "Please, I want there to be no secrets   
between us. What's wrong, Usagi?"   
Silver flecked irises regarded him intensely. "I said nothing.   
I meant it." She shrugged his hand off her wrist; she was   
uncomfortable with the amount of liberty he was taking with her.   
The little vagrant patterns he had been tracing on her forearm   
weren't unwelcome, but were disquieting because she had just   
arrived and didn't know him very well.  
"Am I bothering you? Perhaps . . . taking advantage of your   
kindness? It was very kind of you to take my invitation to visit,   
you know. I don't want you to feel ill at ease here, so let's get  
to know each other shall we?" He flashed her a dazzling smile, then   
snapped his fingers. The area around them seemed to illuminate   
suddenly with flashes of torchlight that sprang up from fixtures   
high up on the walls.  
Her mouth parted in surprise, pink lips pouting roundly as she   
took in the vast height of the ceiling, the elaborate decorations,   
the seemingly endless floors stretching out into the still dark   
hallways beyond that contained an oblivion.  
He caught her rapturous look and smiled knowingly. "What shall   
we start with first, I wonder? Oh, I know!" he said as he reached   
for her hand, motioning her to follow to one corner of the room.   
"My favorite part of all!"  
She regarded him with a strange glance. "Your . . . huh? You   
lost me somewhere back in the entrance over there. Perhaps I should   
go back and collect myself before I get too jumbled?" she joked.  
His responding smile was intoxicating. "That's something I   
love about you, Usagi. Always making me laugh, always having fun."   
He drew her body closer to his, and backed them against a large   
velvet couch.   
"H-how w-would you know about me? We-we've never met before."   
Fear was knawing away at the edges of her consciousness once again,   
and it was the Baron who caused it. His tingling breath sent shivers   
up her spine, and the mere sound of his voice had her mentally   
pleading for something she didn't understand. It was all very   
confusing, but most of all, unsettling.  
"You're very much my point of interest, as I believe I said   
before," he replied simply. "Now shall we commence the question   
and answer period? I think that's why you're here, after all, to   
interview me for your paper." He caught an uncertain look in her   
eyes and thought better of his words. "Or am I quite mistaken?"  
"No . . . no. You're right. That's what I came here for.   
That's what I . . ." she said slowly, forcing the words through   
her uncooperative lips as she stared into his shimmering blue eyes,  
losing herself in their depths and mystery.  
"Well, then, I suppose we should start. First question   
please."  
"Huh? Oh, yeah, questions." She started digging through the   
pockets of her peacoat for the small journalist's pad she usually   
carried, along with the mini fold-up pen that fit inside of it.  
Finding both items quickly, she extracted them and forced herself   
to concentrate on his words rather than his persona. Grimacing,   
she started jotting down a description of him, then proceeded  
with her sheet of pre-made questions.  
  
~^^~  
  
Some hours later, exhausted but happy, Usagi flipped her   
notebook closed and stored it with its special pen in her coat.   
She smiled tiredly at the Baron, who seemed undaunted by the hours   
that had flown by, and was as vigorous as ever. She yawned,   
covering her mouth with her hand politely and excused herself for   
her rudeness.  
"There's no need to excuse yourself, Usagi," he said, "I can   
see that this little interview has been slightly tiring for you.   
Perhaps you should take your leave?" he suggested kindly.  
" . . . There's no rush," she replied, yawning again. She   
made a sour face. "That is, unless you'd like me to go--"  
"No, of course not! I was merely thinking of your welfare.   
If you wish you may stay for dinner. I don't have any company   
coming tonight, except for you, that is if you decide to join  
me."   
"Oh, well, really . . . I couldn't impose on you like that,"   
she said nervously. Her stomach was doing the unusual flip-flops   
again as she looked into his earnest face. She glanced around her   
at the splendor of the room one more time, and decided quickly   
that one way to get over her strange infatuation would be to get   
to know the man better. And perhaps, find some odd fault that  
could help her leave him completely behind.   
"I insist," he pressed on gallantly. "Just follow me," he   
started, getting up gracefully from the couch and tracing a path   
down one of the torch-lit and flickering hallways. "This way. . . ."   
His voice began to fade down the dim passageway, and still   
Usagi remained seated on the sofa, frozen in mid-movement. It seemed   
as though she was afraid to follow, and yet, frightened of being   
alone. So she sat, again contemplating the outcome of her decisions,   
staring off into space and seeing nothing but a black beyond.  
"Right, Usagi," she told herself softly, "you know you want   
to go with him. Why in G-d's name are you hanging around here?   
He's already there by now, and you'll miss dinner . . . stop being   
an idiotic wimp!"   
"Are you done berating yourself?" a deep, masculine voice   
asked from behind her. She jumped up quickly and spun herself   
around, chest heaving in surprise and fear. Her eyes met those of   
the Baron, tamed rabbit against wild wolf, and she lost herself   
completely.  
"I was just . . . um . . . I mean . . . that is to say--"  
"Usagi, it's all right. You can trust me. What would I do with   
you, anyway, if I could catch you? Keep you in a cage?" His laugh was   
short and unfamiliar and cold. He leaned in across the brocaded   
piece of furniture. "You're infinitely more interesting to me this   
way." He slowly slipped his finger down her jaw-line, tracing her   
jugular vein and then followed the slope of her collar bone to her   
partially exposed shoulder.   
She shivered in response, but she couldn't tell whether it was   
out of fear or pleasure. "I was only thinking. Nothing more. I won't   
doubt you again," she whispered softly, her words floating to him   
like sweet madrigal choirs, perfectly in tune, singing under a lady's   
window in the moonlight.  
"Good. Now this time, take my hand and we'll go together." He   
reached out and she took the proffered hand, noticing immediately   
how warm and smooth it was, and how hers fit so perfectly into its   
grasp.  
Smiling softly, he led her down the winding, writhing hallways   
to the room where dinner awaited them.   
Oh, but this is the start of something much more . . . he   
thought, satisfied with his progress. And she is almost mine. . . .  
  
~^^~  
  
Now the average person would probably feel out of place at   
the table of a Baron. Most certainly anyone in his or her right mind   
would; but somehow Usagi found herself in another mindset as she sat   
down to a lavish dinner with her host. The dishes and food made   
fantastic disappearing and reappearing tricks as the elaborate courses   
flew by, and Usagi lost track of the time. Or rather, she lost her   
sense of time all together, something that she truly couldn't be   
blamed for. Her host was the Baron after all. . . .  
"You know, I still have no idea what your real name is!" Usagi   
exclaimed, her speech a bit slurred after her third glass of wine   
(she never could tolerate alcohol very well). She giggled   
flirtatiously and said, "All this time I've been calling you   
'Baron-this' or 'Baron-that.' Do you have a real name, one that I'm   
permitted to know, of course?"   
He smiled, pearly white teeth showing, almost on the verge of   
a grin. "Yes, yes, I have a real name. It's-- well, I've never   
really told anyone before. But I suppose you being who you   
are . . . well, that makes it all right. My real name is Endymion."  
"Oh, I get it! Your name is like the shepherd in the story of   
Endymion and Selene the moon goddess!" She returned his smile, only   
hers was lit more like a thousand watt bulb. She brushed her hair   
back from where it had fallen into her face and over her eyes, and   
slowly brought her partially full glass to her mouth for another sip   
of wine.  
His happy mood waned a little at her reference to Selene. "Well,   
I suppose you could say that. I wouldn't. But if you wish-- never   
mind."  
"Never mind what?" She leaned forward in her chair, over the   
table and closer to him.  
"Forget I even mentioned anything. It's of no importance," he   
said in an almost inaudible voice, trying his best to sound   
nonchalant. As much as I want her to, she can't replace . . . no, not   
ever . . . he thought solemnly. I'll use her and leave her like the   
others. She's like the others; what does she know about us? Nothing.   
Ignorant and naïve and hopeless. This will be simple. After dinner,   
after wine, after a little seduction, how could she resist? And then   
I'll take what I need from her and leave the rest behind. . . .  
"You're just trying to get me interested. I see through your   
little scheme. I'm not as dumb or as drunk as you may think," she   
argued, although her movements betrayed her state of sobriety. Or   
rather, lack her thereof.  
"No, no, you misunderstand, Usagi. I really am trying to change   
the subject," he said, rubbing his head lightly with his hand as if   
he had a headache. "I don't want to talk about it."  
"Oh," she managed to squeak and slumped back into her chair   
again.   
An uneasy silence settled over the two diners. Usagi began to   
toy with the dessert in front of her, drawing strange shapes with the   
whipped cream in the raspberry sauce splashed liberally over her cake.  
Likewise, the Baron was playing with his food. He couldn't quite seem  
to come to terms with the fact that Usagi had hit on his weakness so  
quickly, nor could he seem to accept the fact that she might be  
different than the others he had-- well, the others that admired him  
and found that their lives were much worse off afterwards because of   
that fact.  
"En-Endymion? I'm allowed to call you that, right?" she looked  
up from her fork-created cream sculpture. Her eyes softened at his  
slightly hunched form twiddling and twisting his spoon in his   
poached pear.  
"Yes," he muttered. "I thought I already gave you permission   
to."  
"I . . . well, I just wasn't sure. Did I hurt your feelings  
or something? I mean . . . you're so quiet. A-and I'd feel just awful   
if I ruined this night for us because of my tactlessness!"  
He glanced up at her and saw pleading eyes, tarnished-gray irises   
begging so plaintively, brow furrowed in worry. He sighed. Perhaps  
it really wouldn't be as easy to kill her spirit as it had been for  
him to do so to the others. Hers was so pure, and he admired it   
because of that indomitable purity. "Th-this is wrong," he rasped out.  
"Usagi, I want you to leave. I want you to leave this house right now,"  
he said, his voice tight with some unnamable pain.  
"What? You want me to go? I've done something so horrible to--   
oh, but I didn't mean to. I mean, I-- G-d, w-what is it?" Her face  
began to contort, promising a torrent of tears.  
"Usagi," he started, a bit too harshly because the first   
crystalline evidence of her wounded feelings slipped down her smooth  
cheek, "I-I . . . this has nothing to do with what you said. I want  
you to leave because it's quite late, and you should be getting home  
anyway," he lied quickly. "I'd worry if you were late to work, or some  
such nonsense, tomorrow on my account."  
"All right," she replied in a defeated voice. "I'll leave. I  
am sorry, though." She tried to smile, but only succeeded in   
whimpering and betraying her torn emotions.  
"Show her to the door," he said into the clear air.   
"As you wish," a voice answered, complying with his demand.  
"But how . . . I can't see him--her--it--" She was cut off by the  
miraculous appearance of a woman out of thin air. Clothed in an   
elaborate kimono complete with obi and twist-knotted black hair,   
the woman's wavering, almost transparent form beckoned her to follow   
down the hallways to the exit. Usagi turned away from Endymion to   
go, but the sound of his gruff voice from behind halted her steps for   
a moment.  
"Make no mistake, your leaving has nothing to do with whatever   
sentiments I hold in regard to the legend of the moon goddess and her   
shepherd love. I trust that you will still be attending the masquerade   
I am throwing regardless of my incredibly rude behavior?" He sounded   
so hopeful. There was no way she could refuse.  
"Yes," she mumbled back, then tumble-jogged down the corridor   
after the woman's retreating form.   
  
~^^~  
  
Usagi slammed the flimsy door after herself, tossing her keys   
to the eggshell-white-plush-carpeted ground. They plummeted a few feet and   
made a dull thud upon impact. She sighed, blowing the free-falling   
strands of flaxen hair from in front of her eyes.  
"Now if that wasn't an out of the ordinary experience, I don't  
know what would be!" she exclaimed wearily, pulling off her tennis   
sneakers and trudging to her room, where she flopped unceremoniously onto   
the mattress and shut her eyes firmly.  
She was just drifting off to sleep when a small, furry body  
pounced on her abdomen and started pawing at her clothes.   
"Luna, leave me alone," she whined, "I'm so tired!"  
She cracked one eyelid and peeked out. The infernal cat sat on her  
stomach with what appeared to be a smirk on its face.   
"For G-d's sake, cat! I'm a woman who's trying to take a nap. If  
you're entitled to them, so am I. Now, out!" she ordered, pointing her  
finger towards the open door.  
To Usagi's complete surprise, her cat shook its head, then started  
to attempt to drag her out of the room.   
"What the hell do you want from me now?" she wailed. She received   
no response (but then, she wasn't really expecting one).  
Said feline mewed plaintively and tugged on her sleeve in a manner  
that led Usagi to believe she wanted her to follow. So, in the grand   
tradition of the intelligent pet/less-so human relationship, much like  
that of Lassie and Timmy, she watched her animal stalk out of the room  
and then hurried after.  
Without rushing, Luna paced down the corridor, sniffing the air  
ever so often and turning back quite a few times to make sure that  
her mistress was still treading in her paw-steps. Finally, she came to  
a halt in front of the guest bedroom door. She clawed at it a bit   
frantically, then, as Usagi opened it, dashed madly in and under the   
bed. Shaking her head, the blond-haired woman turned to go, un-amused  
by her the black cat's hi-jinks, when she was scratched on the leg.  
Somehow, Luna appeared to be glaring at her. She dropped the brown  
paper package she had stolen earlier in the week onto the cream-colored  
carpet, then sniffed royally and model-walked into the closet.  
After her mouth had ceased its fish-like opening and closing from   
shock, Usagi bent down to examine the returned stolen item. The box   
seemed to hold something very fragile, so she went very carefully  
about tearing the wrapping off and lifting the lid.  
She couldn't see the contents due to an outrageous amount of   
blood-colored tissue paper, so she brushed it aside gingerly. She   
suddenly gasped. He had sent her a masque. She shook her head back  
and forth in disbelief.   
He wants me to come that badly! she mused. But he sent me   
away . . . so perhaps I shouldn't bother with party. . . . She   
sighed heavily and was about to put the present somewhere safe,   
somewhere it wouldn't be in plain view and remind her of how she   
had hurt him.  
Just then, however, the phone rang with a bone-jarring   
screech, and she rushed to pick it up. Hands shaking from her   
encounter with the gorgeous gift, she attempted to gather her  
thoughts into some semblance of order.  
"Hello?" she said into the receiver, her voice almost   
cracking on the questioning note.  
"Is Usagi there, please?" a vaguely familiar voice rasped.  
"This is she."  
"Oh. . . . Usagi, this is the Ba-- I mean Endymion.  
I was just calling to-- well, to make amends. I believe I've   
upset you with my abrupt actions and I want to assure you that  
nothing has changed between us because of my rude behavior. Unless  
you'd prefer that things change . . ." he ended, the unsure tone  
of his voice pleading with her to forgive and forget.  
"Don't worry about it. It was more my fault than yours   
anyhow. I was so completely tactless." She sighed heavily. "I have  
to go now, though, but I'll see you at your party, right?"  
"To be sure!" he almost squealed with joy. That is to say,   
if the Baron were to almost squeal with joy, it would sound like  
his voice did at that moment. "Swear you'll wear the masque I   
sent to you?"  
"Yup. Make sure you look for me in it! Talk to you later,"   
she half-whispered.  
"Until we meet again, Usagi."   
Her end of the phone-line went dead as he replaced the   
receiver on its bed.   
"I can't believe I'm actually going," she mused quietly.   
Jumping up onto the bed with typical feline grace, Luna   
regarded her stunned mistress. If cats could smile, she would be  
smiling quite knowingly at that moment. Things were falling into  
place exactly as she had planned.  
  
~^^~  
  
"I-I don't think I can do this to her, Toiki," he muttered  
as he fiddled with his armor for the millionth time that night.  
"We've been over this before, Endy. You gain her trust, then   
seduce her. While she sleeps, you steal her soul. It's not hard  
to do, really, and you've done it so many times before . . . one  
might think that you've become attached to the little thing," came  
a voice from thin air.   
"I hate talking to you in that state. Come out where I can  
see you," he whined.  
"Fine, fine." Suddenly, a woman with her waist-length black  
hair swishing around her slim body appeared in what looked to be  
only a transparent dressing gown. "Are you pleased now, my lord   
and master?" she remarked sarcastically.  
"Yes," he replied in a small voice. He continued to give  
himself the once-over in a long mirror free-standing before him   
in the middle of the room.   
She sighed as if exasperated with a small child. "Just do  
your best. Hopefully, she'll catch on and return your 'feelings,'  
so we won't have to worry too much. Remember, you're not taking  
her life-force for pleasure! It's merely business-- and it's also  
the only way for you to stay alive long enough to find Selene's  
reincarnation. So quit grousing and get down there!" Toiki   
practically screamed. She wanted to throttle that nuisance of a  
half-immortal. He never seemed to get it right. First he fell in  
love with an unreachable goddess and was doomed to search for her  
in an eternity of evil existence. After surviving for years on  
others' time, he suddenly up and decided that what he was doing was  
wrong and wanted to play hero with another girl. He verged on   
forgetting completely about Selene. Toiki was inclined to wonder  
why. But that could wait. She had better things to think about,   
however, like how to find her own love that had been condemned to   
be separated from her for a quarter-eternity.   
"Toiki?" he asked. "I . . . I'm . . . uh . . . going down  
now. I'll see you after the festivities are over." With that, he  
winked and, cape fluttering dashingly in his wake, he descended  
the grand sunrise-red-marble staircase.  
Good-luck, brother, she thought hopelessly. You'll need it.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Okay, folks, this is it! The author's notes! *grins* My apologies  
to those who have been waiting for what seems like forever for   
me to finish my other stories. Minna, I don't know when that's going  
to happen. This has been my pet project for months now. All I can say  
is that you should all expect some great things coming from me this  
summer because I'm staying home! No more traveling or excuses, scout's  
honor. ^_^ That said, read the rest of the notes from the text (if you  
so choose) and continue to the bottom for a special message.  
  
And for those of you who are wondering, "Just what was she thinking  
when she rated this 'R,'" well, you'll find out soon. ^_~ This plot   
is intended for more mature audiences, a fact that I hope is   
obvious. Or at least it will be by the next chapter. (That's the  
only hint minna gets! ^^;)  
  
  
  
  
*B.C.E. -- It means Before the Common Era, the term I always use to   
describe what the rest of the world calls B.C., or Before Christ.   
I'm not Christian, and I think it's a bit more politically  
correct to use my faith's way of saying it because it's pretty nondenominational. Sorry if anyone got confused (or was offended)!  
  
**If anyone wants to email me (Loralei1300@aol.com) for more   
information about just what in the heck I'm talking about, feel free!   
I swear, I could just keep rambling on about the stupid little  
facts I know concerning the holiday! ^^; Plus, I can give you the   
addies of some sites that can help, and in addition, some books to   
read if you're interested. Otherwise, just disregard this lil blurb   
and continue in the line of thinking that I'm COMPLETELY bonkers!   
--; (Yeah, yeah, yeah, I hear you snickering. *hangs head* I'll just   
curl up in the corner until you finish reading. . . .)  
  
  
SPECIAL MESSAGE: I happen to be quite enamored with this plot at   
the moment and will go wherever it decides to lead me: whether   
that be to a horribly sad ending or a happy one. I shall make   
absolutely no promises of a sequel if this ends in depression,   
nor should anyone expect me to write one if I don't want to.   
That said, expect the next part out sometime in between June   
and August. Thanks for reading, minna! *big smile*   
  
EMAIL MEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!! I want-- no I NEED to know what you think  
of this. I'll even get down on my hands and knees to beg you: just  
email me! Even if you thought the plot was dull and the writing boring.  
I like criticism as well as compliments because they'll help me grow  
as a writer. No flame policy as always, however, because they won't   
help, just upset. That said, here's the address if you've forgotten  
already (but I'm sure you haven't! *wink wink nudge nudge*):   
  
  
Loralei1300@aol.com  
  
  
Loralei1300@aol.com  
  
  
Loralei1300@aol.com  
  
  
Loralei1300@aol.com  
  
  
Loralei1300@aol.com  
  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~@Loralei Fairhill   
chapter completed 4/30/01  
  
  
  
  
  
--It's thirteen pages long! Lucky! Oh, how lucky  
are the thirteen pages! --;;;;;;  
  
  
  
  
Coming soon (yeah, summer writing time!). . . .   
These are some poetic previews by various writers.   
They're just to confuse you a bit so you decide you   
want to read the stories. ^^; If nothing else, I hope  
you like what I've chosen as clues to the next part of   
the plotline! Erm-- enjoy? ^_~  
  
  
Preview 1: "Awakenings" (Part 2: Beyond)  
  
  
There, a spiraling   
maëlstrom   
of laughter  
(stained crimson as  
the bloodred sunset  
dying in the west)  
and all about stream  
the costumes (blacker  
than bottomless cave-lakes)  
sluggish in a  
strange, infinite waltz--  
--confusion descends,  
overcoming tempest-emotions,  
(jagged, twisting lightning-swift)--  
--open palm extends,  
plaintively requesting   
lover's touch  
(to shirk or respond?)--  
--lethe oblivion claims  
the remaining memories,  
only fleeting images   
of rose petals, silken-cream  
against two writhing bodies  
crushing them weightily  
to the coverlet--   
--knowledge dawns   
at first light:  
only one body entwined  
in the sweat-soaked sheets,  
ignorant of the life  
beginning within her  
(destined to cease both  
mother and daughter's existence).   
  
~~~~@Loralei Fairhill  
  
  
  
Preview 2: "Meadowlark Part 4: Allegro"  
  
"Symphony in White"  
  
Blossoms on the pear--  
and a woman in the moonlight  
reads a letter there.  
  
  
(Nashi-no hana  
tsuki-ni fumi-yomu  
onna ari)  
  
~~~~@Buson  
  
  
"Waiting"  
  
Night; and once again,  
while I wait for you, cold wind  
turns into rain.  
  
(Kimi matsu yo  
mata kogarashi-no  
ami ni naru)  
  
~~~~@Shiki  
  
  
Preview 3: "Arashi Shizukana [Silent Storm]"  
  
"Blind Angel"  
  
Of life and its ceasing to be, with changes of sea wind  
Dawn tide on the cliffs  
Sundown poem beating  
On the headlands of night.  
  
As the shining wave breaks on the current, sunlight breaks into  
pieces.  
A cloud goes by in the image of a blind angel.  
The moon embalms dead darkness. A blind snake at the  
threshold.  
  
Until the blue of prayer is kindled in the canopy of desire  
Like the stillness of lakes in the heatwaves before dusk.  
  
Rest, sea, in the twilight gathering between day and night--  
Elegy of the shore fluttering requiem for illusions.  
Heart's scaffold in its loneliness. Inconsolable song,  
Whistling of the border wind.  
  
Like the ocean floor  
Midnight collects anguish of many daggers  
Unsheathed from the soul's bitterness in the blaze of noon.  
On a bed of quicksand night thickens,  
Stripped bare of dreams, and conspiring.  
  
~~~~@David Rokeah  
  
-translated from Hebrew by Robert Mezey and Shula Starkman  
  
  
~^^~ _Awakenings_ (c) Loralei Fairhill 1/19/01 


	2. Beyond

Awakenings  
Part 2: "Beyond"  
By: Loralei Fairhill  
Rated: R (read: If you can't handle mature material, you shouldn't  
be here.)  
Genre: AR  
  
  
"For some autumn comes early, stays late through life where October   
follows September and November touches October and then instead of   
December and Christ's birth, there is no Bethlehem Star, no   
rejoicing, but September comes again and old October and so on down   
the years, with no winter, spring or revivifying summer. For these   
beings, fall is the ever normal season, the only weather, there be   
no choice beyond. Where do they come from? The dust. Where do they   
go? The grave. Does blood stir in their veins? No: the night wind.   
What ticks in their head? The worm. What speaks from their mouth?   
The toad. What sees from their eye? The snake. What hears with their   
ear? The abyss between the stars. They sift the human storm for souls,   
eat flesh of reason, fill tombs with sinners. They frenzy forth. In   
gusts they beetle-scurry, creep, thread, filter, motion, make all   
moons sullen, and surely cloud all clear-run waters. The spider-web   
hears them, trembles--breaks. Such are the autumn people. Beware of   
them."  
  
~Pastor Newgate Phillips, excerpt from Ray Bradbury's _Something   
Wicked This Way Comes_  
  
  
Music: For the first scene play "Illness Illusion" (Gackt/Malice   
Mizer). Then put on "Drain" (X-Japan)or Scars (X-Japan), whichever   
you prefer. Malice Mizer's Syunikiss ~Nidomenoaito~ comes next. The  
Waltz: Buck-Tick's  
Seduction scene: "Voiceless Screaming" (X-Japan). Then Candy Lo's   
"Screaming." Endy's panpipes: Gackt's Aries (MARS 1st track). The   
tryst: Buck-Tick's "Paradise." Ending: "Crucify My Love" (X-Japan),   
"The Dream Within" (Lara Fabian).  
  
It is for this chapter that I rate the story R. Don't yell at me if   
you end up reading some material you didn't count on, okay? You've   
been warned thoroughly. It's not my fault if you decided not to   
listen and read it anyway. It is for sex and not violence that I   
rate this R. ^^;   
  
Yes, this is the last chapter. And if you don't like the ending,   
tough nuggets, I won't write another. *humph* I reserve the right   
as an EMSiT to write evil endings as well as evil cliff-hangers   
and not resolve them EVER. So deal with it, I make no promises to   
continue this. . . .   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
"Luna! You come back here with that mask, evil kitty!" she   
screeched, hurtling pell-mell after said escaping feline. "I still   
have to wear it to the party and I'm leaving in a few minutes!"  
Luna surged forward down the hallway, turned left into   
Usagi's bedroom and, with her typical slinking motion, slid under   
the closet door to put the mask onto her pile of "treasures." She   
re-emerged to the sight of a tousled, panting mistress in a ball   
gown fit for Venetian Carnivale. Her violet eyes seemed to smirk,   
saying, "I can give and I can take away. I am cat--hear me roar!"   
But this time, the beautifully dressed and horribly late   
blond-haired woman had no patience for her Bast*-follower's games.   
She rushed over to the mirrored doorway (her cat's hideaway) and   
hurriedly pulled it open, in a rush to both find the mask and show   
her pet once and for all it was she who ruled the apartment.  
Her cat's hideaway wasn't nearly as neatly put together as   
she had expected. A mesh of discarded black hair and gnawed shoe-  
linings formed a small nest where Luna enjoyed napping. In one corner   
was a pile of items Usagi had turned the apartment upside-down   
looking for month after month: silver filigree hairclips, her   
favorite romance novel, scraps of paper with friends' phone numbers   
stolen from her address book. Right on top, almost crowning the items,   
was the masque.   
"Thank Kami I found this!" Usagi hugged the Baron's gorgeous   
gift to her chest and rushed away, her dress rustling echoes down   
the hall after her. "There's cat food in your bowl and fresh milk   
on the counter," she called over her shoulder. "I'll be back later,   
Luna, and we'll discuss this mess you've made. 'Bye!"  
The door slammed in her wake, effectively silencing the one-  
ended conversation.   
Tilting her head sideways as only a cat can do, Luna stared   
blankly after her mistress. Since when had she ever been so excited   
about an insipid party? And exactly what made her think this was   
going to be a good party? Her feline instincts were telling her that   
although this meeting was necessary, she might have to go look for a   
new owner soon. Usagi would probably enjoy her brief liaison with the   
Baron . . . and most likely, she would never return.  
If a cat ever thought to shrug, it was at that moment that Luna   
did so. And then she pretended nothing had happened and smiled as she   
tramped out to drink the creamy milk that awaited her on the Formica   
kitchen counter.   
  
~^^~  
  
Threading her way through the huge crowd of bodies dressed for   
what seemed to be a Mardi Gras in Hell, Usagi scanned the numerous   
faces for the Baron's. Everywhere she turned seemed to hold new   
horrors: some women seemed to be straight from the bowels of Hades   
with their long, stringy hair, white shrouds and vacant eyes, while   
others were so scantily clad she wondered how their costumes stayed   
up; there were loin-clothed men readying their broadswords as they   
exchanged heated words with each other, green-skinned boys who   
resembled un-leafed trees, and demon-esque creatures laughing insanely   
as they took turns trying to outdo one another in feats of agility   
and stupidity (Usagi marveled for a moment longer than was prudent   
at one who jumped to the ceiling and remained crouching on the huge,   
crystal chandelier; he immediately turned his burning gaze on her and,   
hurling himself to the ground in an almost graceful manner, started   
in her direction; she promptly fled to the opposite side of the   
ballroom).   
Usagi continued her search for the Baron, fruitless though it   
was. He was not yet ready for her to discover him. He waited, silent   
as a moon-shadow, in a corner of the ballroom, surrounded by a   
cavalcade of female demons attempting to proposition him.   
She turned in slow waltz-circles, surveying the room, ignoring   
the bloodred drapes covering the bay windows, the black crystal of   
the chandelier, the dais in the corner that looked suspiciously like   
a throne. She'd have to ask Endymion about these things when she   
found him; they reminded her oddly of a royal chamber, just as   
these creatures gathered here forced her to think that they might   
be subjects. Flicking her eyes from side to side as she meandered   
through the crowd, Usagi came to the decision that these revelers   
were definitely Hell-sent. What other place in the universe held   
such life? (If it could even be called life: she had it on good   
faith that half of these guests weren't alive in that sense of the   
word.)  
A slow gavotte began, scratching an ancient melody from an   
even older gramophone, and Endymion ended her vain seeking. He stepped   
up behind her, and, placing his arms about her waist, pulled her into   
the dance. She was caught by surprise at first and stiffened in his   
grasp, but then relaxed when she realized to whom the strong hands   
belonged.  
"I didn't think you were coming to your own party," she said   
above the din the other guests were making.  
"You're quite the silly one, aren't you?" He laughed, deep-  
throated and glorious. "Of course I had to come because you promised   
to be here."  
She blushed under his sudden compliment and her flushed cheeks   
gained an even deeper hue of red as he stared down into her eyes.  
"Beautiful . . ." he murmured. "You look absolutely beautiful   
tonight."  
"I . . . thank-thank you." Damn, I sound so nervous! she   
thought unhappily. I must seem like such a child to him.  
"Not the child I had thought you to be . . ." he said, echoing   
her thoughts.  
"How did you know what I was thinking?"  
He smiled mysteriously. "I knew. I'll always know, Usagi," he   
whispered, and she shivered as his lips dipped to her neck where   
they brushed the pulse point lightly.   
"En-Endy, please," she begged. "Don't. . . ."  
"I thought this was what you wanted?" He moved back, but   
retained her in his embrace. "You were looking for something that   
day we met. Wasn't it this?" His gaze fell onto her mouth, intense   
and hot. "Wasn't it?"  
We're close, Usagi thought hazily, too close. I can feel his   
breath on my face . . . Kami-sama, I want him to kiss me!  
"What do you want me to do, Usagi?" he said almost inaudibly.   
They were so close that they were almost breathing the same air.   
Her eyes were half-closed in response to his proximity, awaiting   
something she didn't quite understand.  
"I don't know . . ." she replied.   
"Yes, you do. Show me." It was almost an order, but she hardly   
noticed.  
Unsurely, she pulled herself closer to him, placing her hands   
on either side of his face, fingers lightly caressing his cheeks in   
butterfly strokes. Her lips brushed his, barely touching and at the   
same time, completely burning into both of them. Usagi blinked, as   
if awakening from sleep, or a spell, and then shrugged out of his   
arms. He caught her by her wrists before she could completely escape   
him.  
"No. Not after that tantalizing glimpse of ecstasy . . . you'd   
leave me now?"  
Her eyes went wide, almost glowing an ethereal color blue.   
Endymion's hands held both of hers, and he used the leverage to drag   
her back into his embrace. A startled gasp escaped her lips,   
unintentionally drawing his attention to them. He smiled again,   
seductively this time, his eyes dark and full of the promise of   
fervent night-whispers.  
"Endy . . . I can't. . . ."  
"Why?" His arms came up around her, his hands gently resting   
against the back of her ornate outfit. She'd almost forgotten she   
was wearing it, where she was. . . . Endymion's hold on her mind had   
grown much stronger.  
"Wh-what about Selene?" she whimpered, looking up at him, as   
his hands roamed more freely and found the zipper that held up the   
top portion of the dress.  
He stiffened for a moment, but met her gaze steadily. "I lost   
her a long time ago. Someday, I'll find her again, but for now . . .   
for now, you are the one I want. Please, Usagi. . . ." He kissed her   
neck where it met her jaw-line, then made his way up to her mouth,   
where he lightly touched her lips with his, a mirror of her actions   
mere moments before.  
She closed her eyes and gave herself up to his kisses, her   
thoughts flying wide in the wild haze of passion he stirred within   
her. She had never felt such emotions before.   
His lips are so soft, so tender . . . have I ever before . . .?   
He broke away suddenly, breathing hard. Their kisses had been   
chaste. He had done nothing wrong, but guilt was worming its way   
into his mind.   
"Endymion?"   
Usagi's voice sounds so far away, he thought. "I'm sorry. We've   
been doing this in such a public place. I shouldn't have taken it so   
far in front of the other guests."  
She blushed slightly. "I-it's okay." The corners of her mouth   
curled up in a soft smile. Unexpectedly, his hand found its way to   
hers and held it tightly, their fingers intertwined together.  
"Come with me upstairs, Usagi."  
"En-Endy, that hardly seems appropriate--"  
"D-do you really want this? Me? Or . . . is it pretense? I   
can't force you. I won't. Only come if you desire to. If you   
desire me."  
Perhaps it was the look in his eyes, pleading as if this were   
the only thing he had ever sought his whole existence, that showed   
her a hidden vulnerable side to his personality. She found herself   
nodding and following closely as he made his way through the   
terrifying crowd of inhuman creatures towards the black-and-white-  
marbled staircase. Luckily, she could not see the triumph glittering   
like cold jewels in his sea-colored eyes.  
Usagi . . . sweet Usagi . . . you're mine now. He smirked to   
himself, blond-haired victim in tow.  
  
~^^~   
  
His kisses, they are so much sweeter than wine, she thought.   
Endymion had pulled her down the corridor, through a maze of rooms,   
and then placed her down on a bed. Her mind reeled, thoughtless and   
filled with white-edged passion.  
Don't get distracted, he warned himself. Remember your purpose;   
remember what you are here for! But her feverishly warm mouth pressed   
against his neck, and he allowed it to drown his senses in a blissful   
oblivion.  
"En-Endy . . . Endymion . . ." Usagi sighed into the velvety   
black strands of his hair where they fell into her face.   
"Please . . ."  
His hands found the clasps and zipper of her costume and she   
stilled her writhing movement beneath him, breathing harshly.  
Eye to eye, glittering, they stared for moments and then he   
began to devour her again. Her garments peeled away gladly, leaving   
her nude and glorious, and her hair wound around them both having   
long ago been freed from its styling.   
He stilled his furious motion for a moment, raising himself   
in a modified push-up fashion over her body to speak with a voice   
made husky from kisses and passion. "Usagi . . . dear, sweet   
Usagi . . . are you truly sure this is what you desire?" he asked.   
Her nails raked down his chest lightly, drawing a gasp from   
his lips. She looked up at him with dark eyes and responded merely,   
"Somehow . . . somehow I know you are the only one I want to bring   
me to the edge of Paradise and back, Endy. Because . . .   
because . . ."  
"Hush. You don't have to say it now," he protested.  
She silenced him with a single finger against his lips, which   
decided of their own accord to distract her from her purpose by   
brushing against the offending digit lightly. "Yes, I do," she   
muttered. "Endymion . . . I think . . . I think I'm falling in love   
with you. So . . ."  
"I know." And he resumed his previous venture of exploring   
every inch of her body.   
Her quick sigh of relief surged into another frenzy of skin   
against skin and incomparable pleasure. Their lips merged as he   
brought them to the sky-scraping heights that only an unslaked lust  
--or was it love?--could bring. Spent, they curled against each other   
in the center of his large bed and allowed their drowsy eyes to shut;   
even in their dreams, they knew that they would not be separated.  
  
Endymion woke a few hours later as was his habit after such   
an excursion. He lifted her head gently from its resting place on   
his chest and, carefully so as not startle her from her sleep, he   
tenderly brushed vagrant pieces of hair back from her cheeks.   
Staring at her placidly sleeping face in that moment, knowing   
she loved him as the others had not, he was unable to follow through   
with the deed.  
"I can't do it. I can't take this from her. She's so . . .   
she's innocent and good and everything that the others were not.   
Damn it, I can't!"  
"Say it, Endymion," Toiki suddenly pleaded into his mind,   
"speak the word to call forth her soul to you! Devour it with   
pleasure and know we will live another hundred years to seek our   
beloved ones. . . ."  
"No, sister. This time, I cannot. She is too precious to me.   
Perhaps if she did not remind me so of Selene, I could do it.   
Perhaps if she had not spoken of her love for me, I would have no   
qualms about stealing her life force and journeying on to another   
place to search for the moon goddess. No, sister, her soul must be   
given to me freely, if I could accept it at all."  
"Damn you, fool!" Toiki screeched, suddenly appearing beside   
the bed in which he and Usagi lay, limbs entwined together like rose   
brambles. "Say it! All you have to do is utter the word 'Awaken' and   
she will be ours!" She shook with angry desperation. "Don't you want   
to find Selene? Don't you care that Toride will return to a world   
without me if you refuse to do this? Endymion, little brother, I'm   
begging you. I want to be here when he is reincarnated. This is the   
only way . . . the only way!" She sobbed into her clear hands; the   
tears falling were as ethereal as her shadow cast into the doorway.  
"Toiki, this is not the way. The evil has gone on for far too   
long. I wipe my hands of the whole affair," he said, unceremoniously   
throwing the covers back and ignoring his state of undress as he   
started towards her.  
"As you wish, Endy, as you wish," she whispered softly. Her   
shadow dimmed, her tears sighed into nothingness and she started to   
disappear forever. The lack of a fresh life force had caught up with   
her after using all of her energy in her attempt to goad Endymion   
into killing Usagi. "Someday you will regret your foolishness, my   
only brother, for in a few hours from now, you will no longer exist,   
you will fade as I am fading, die as I am dying. . . . And if you   
are reincarnated, I only hope that you will find your precious Usagi   
again, for she is Selene, though you cannot see through the thin   
veneer of a soul as I can, though you may only steal them, never   
knowing . . . never knowing who they truly are!" Only her eyes   
remained at this point, still gushing with unhappy tears. Even so,   
Endymion could hear her smile as she called, "Awaken, Toride, I am   
returning to you. . . ."  
He wept too, then, for the loss of his sister, his only   
companion, and for the loss that he would suffer when Usagi left   
him. While his tears flooded through his carefully tended wall of   
control against the sorrowful emotions overwhelming him, he prayed   
to Hypnos, the god of dreams who had helped him to stay alive when   
Selene was killed, and who had watched over him through the long   
years and guided Usagi to his side.   
"Take me back," he said, "I want to remember just once before   
I must leave her. Please, take me back to that morning. . . ."  
Hypnos smiled benevolently from his place next to the Fates'   
wheel. "Yes, Endymion," said he, "remember and forget."   
  
  
  
  
  
~~insert omnipresent force that can turn back time~~  
  
  
  
  
  
Hyperion woke from his death-like trance of sleep, yawning   
sunlight into the world. His chariot began its slow arching path   
across the heavens and in between the meadows of stars, shining   
brightly, bestowing the gift of light on the world.  
"Endymion!" Toiki's voice came from somewhere near his head.   
Her tone scolded him, and he suddenly realized that it had been his   
turn to rise before Hyperion's path began to drive the sheep out to   
pasture. "Endymion, you imbecile, wake up! I'm not going to ask you   
again. You know if I snitch on you . . . you'll get into a lot of   
trouble, so get your lazy butt out of bed!"   
The blankets were jerked out of his fisted hands and yanked   
off the bed, leaving him both freezing in the morning air and exposed   
to his sister's vision. She had conveniently forgotten that he slept   
in the nude. He held breath for a moment, then covered his ears   
against her outraged wail of disgust.  
"How many times have I told you not to sleep like that?! One   
would think that after I've done this a million times you'd come to   
the conclusion that I do not enjoy seeing a full view of my idiot   
little brother!" she huffed angrily.  
"You could have fooled me . . ." he mumbled to himself. He   
managed to drag his head and body halfway up to sit on his pallet.   
"And anyway, Toiki, you know that you could never betray me because   
of one simple fact."  
"Which is?" she snarled.  
"You're invisible," he replied with a smirk.   
She let out an audible whoosh of air that resembled an   
exasperated sigh and turned around. "Get dressed and tend to your   
duties. I won't help you again." With that, she traipsed out of his   
room and away.  
Endymion chuckled to himself.   
  
Some hours later, he was lazily reclining on a rock, panpipes   
in hand, as the wind tickled his lips with its cool breath.   
Ah, it is sweet to ignore life's other chores and simply watch   
the sheep as they graze on the hills around me, he thought dreamily.   
He brought the pipes to his mouth and blew across them lightly,   
enjoying the thin, reedy sound that they emitted. As he put more   
force into it, he thought he heard an echo of a flute-like resonance   
in the distance.  
Laying them down carefully beside him for a moment, he stopped   
and waited silently, listening.   
Yes! There it is again, that strange silhouette of the melody I   
played but an instant ago . . . and . . . it seems closer somehow.  
He shrugged and grinned slightly. "Toiki's right. I do have an   
over-active imagination as well as the attitude of a sloth." With that,   
he tumbled himself off the rock and onto the soft grass, landed   
spread-eagle, and promptly fell asleep.  
A few moments later, a chill feeling roused him from slumber   
and the glaring sunlight was blocked by a shadow looming over his   
closed eyelids. Endymion felt his skin prick with cold and swatted   
sleepily at the object blocking his access to the sun's warming rays.  
"You're in my light, you know," he muttered in annoyance without   
opening his eyes.  
Unexpectedly, the voice that replied was female and melodious.   
"Maybe you should move. I was here first, you know, e'er before you   
walked this Earth."  
Her words piqued his curiosity to such a great degree that he   
rolled unceremoniously onto his back, raised himself up, and stood   
face to face with her. Unduly surprised by her appearance (beyond   
her voice's beauty), he fell back again onto his rear with a grunt.   
Her laughter was more musical than he could have imagined.   
"What a child you still are!" she exclaimed willfully and, grasping   
his hands in hers, flung him back onto his feet.   
Unbalanced, he shifted wearily and rubbed his face with his   
grass-stained palms. "Must be dreaming," he mumbled. "Can't be   
seeing this. She's not real. Endy, you fool, when did you start   
believing in the Gods?" He looked up again, only to see that she   
had moved closer to him, her proximity enough to allow her billowing   
cream-colored gown to brush his bare legs seductively.  
"Hm, Endy, is it? Well, Endy, show me something about mortals   
I've yet to learn. I know their deference to a Goddess. I want to   
experience their --how to say? --Mortality. Can you show me this   
thing I desire?" Her lips, red like garnets, captivated him so much   
so that he barely noted the words coming forth, rather (instead)   
enjoyed their movement and he wondered, momentarily, what it might   
be like if he--  
"Endy? Is that short for Endymion by any chance? I've seen a   
boy . . . hm, much like yourself . . . wandering around these   
mountains at night with a flock of sheep."  
"Sheep?" Endymion blinked and shook his head.  
"Yes, sheep." She was laughing at him again. "You know, those   
things that look like overgrown fuzzy white balls that sometimes   
have black horns and bleat constantly?"  
"Oh. Yes, er . . . that would be me . . ." he finished with   
a foppish grin.  
"Come, then. You must know these this part of the world   
better than anyone. Show me, please?"   
Could she be closer, he wondered? Her hands brushed up his   
forearms. It had been the shadows chilling him before, trailing   
along his skin, but now, he realized, it wasn't that at all; it   
was desire. Stop, Endy, you brute. She's a goddess. You're a   
mortal, you imbecile. This is forbidden. Stop it!  
"Endy?"  
He realized abruptly that he hadn't responded to her request.   
"Yes. I mean . . . yes! Of course, I would be honored and   
delighted . . . to . . ." he trailed off with a dazed and star-struck   
expression on his face, for she had kissed his cheek, brushed her   
lips along the corner of his mouth, and stepped back, waiting for   
him to lead her whither they might wander.  
  
Hours later, they were walking hand in hand down the grassy   
expanse of a meadow some miles away from the place they had first   
met. Selene's desire to know more of the lives of men had made   
itself clearer as they walked. She asked questions of everything   
from their diet to their rituals for burying the dead. Finally,   
when they reached the edge of a small copse of trees, she stopped.  
"Endy, this is where I must leave you," she said, her voice   
like the music of the wind.  
"But you've only just come this afternoon. And--"  
"Hush. This world is marvelous, and you are so very kind to   
have shown me such things as I never imagined, nevertheless . . ."  
"Nevertheless?" he prompted.  
"It is not destined that I stay here." Her luminous face   
turned skyward to stare at the daytime moon hanging scimitar-like   
in the sky. "That, you see that in the sky there," she pointed to   
the heavenly body, "that is where I belong." She sighed sorrowfully   
and turned back to him. "That is my home, Endy. Where I was born,   
where I will die, and the place from which I shall look down upon   
the Earth to see your handsome face."  
He blushed slightly at her comment, but boldly grasped her   
hand harder against his. "I won't let you leave. I haven't shown   
you Mortality yet."   
Her cheeks reddened slightly. "It was rash of me to ask for   
such a thing. I see now that it is not the same for you as it is   
for us; there is more involved, more emotions and . . . the thing   
you called love."  
"And if I were to ask it of you?" he questioned, clasping her   
other hand and entwining their fingers together tightly.  
"You need only ask to have it granted."  
Their hands still meshed together, he stepped closer, searching   
her face for the truth. Finding what he wanted after a moment, he   
leaned in and pressed his lips to hers. She responded, her tongue a   
quick flick of wetness against his, and he was immediately lost.  
  
Lying on the grass with her underneath the pinprick of a   
thousand stars in the night-sky's midnight-colored quilt was bliss.   
His fingertips traveled down her arms slowly, and he reveled in the   
feel of the tingling rush the contact brought. She broke the   
peaceful silence with a mellow whisper.  
"I really do have to leave now. Still . . . I want to stay.   
This thing you've shown me, Mortality. . . . It has no equivalent   
where I come from."  
He chuckled boyishly. "It doesn't, hm?"  
"No, and-and . . . Endy, I wish to be mortal. This thing   
you've shown me, Endy . . . this thing is so precious. Not the   
actual act, but the feelings behind it. I loved spending the day   
with you, sharing stories of your home and your life. And--"  
"Do you really have to go back?" he interjected into her   
babble. "Because-because I don't want you to! If you leave . . .   
I'd try to follow. Anywhere in this universe, anywhere you go from   
here, I'd follow."  
"Endy, I'm not fit for mortal love in this form . . . it   
overwhelms and consumes me. But . . . no, never mind. I could never   
ask that of you!" she exclaimed suddenly. "I won't ask that of you,"   
she murmured, covering her face with her hands in shame.  
"You need only ask to have it granted."  
Slowly, she uncurled herself from her slightly embarrassed   
position and looked into his eyes. The sincerity reflected in their   
cobalt depths was too much for her to bear, and tears began to trail   
one by one in increasing armies down her cheeks.  
"I will come back, Endy," she said as she brushed one of her   
tears away and fisted it. A glow began to emit from the tear,   
increasing until it almost escaped her closed palm. "And when I do,   
you will be here with me." The light died abruptly.   
"And I will be her waiting," he told her.  
Endymion didn't notice that she began to fade slowly away into   
the night even as she smiled sadly through her farewell kiss.   
It was her smile that haunted him when he found the truth of   
her gift. Because of it, and because of her, he vowed that   
time's passage would not stop him from reaching the day when   
they would be reunited.  
And so, through the ages, despite wars, famines, plagues, and   
mysterious maidens vanishing into the night, Endymion lived only to   
keep his promise to her, uncaring whether the rest of the world   
should crumble and fall to ruins around him in the process.  
The time of the Gods came and went and the last God to   
surrender, Hypnos, was the only one to ever know that Endymion and   
Selene had loved and lost (for they had slept and dreamed and he   
knew of their dearest hopes).  
Perhaps, he thought, perhaps one day I may be able to aide   
them, if only to give them a second chance at happiness.  
It went thus, and flowed forward, and time provided for   
Endymion to be locked away if only to protect him from discovery   
until the wheels of fate might reunite him with Selene once   
more. . . .  
  
  
  
  
  
~~insert omnipresent force that can return time to the present~~  
  
  
  
  
  
"Usagi. My sweet, innocent Usagi." He gently combed his fingers   
through her long, sleep-fluffed hair. His lips softly brushed her   
forehead, her cheek, her mouth with warmth. "How I wish I could stay.   
How I wish Toiki had spoken the truth when she said that you are   
Selene's reincarnation. Alas, alas! This shimmering dream must come   
to an end." Endymion's throat closed with emotion, choking his words.   
He had to swallow quite a few times before he was able again to speak,   
and then, closing his eyes against the pain, he merely bid farewell,   
for he could not manage anything else without breaking down and   
possibly waking her.  
She turned over in her sleep, hands caressing the pillow, legs   
entwined in the sheets. She barely noticed the chill wind that settled   
on his now vacant side of the bed as he stood, still looking for all   
the world like a man who had lost everything.   
"I loved you Tsukino Usagi, truly. I love you still. Forgive me,"   
he said and fled the room, the house . . . and as he ran, his memories   
tumbled skyward along with his tormented soul. Bit by bit, his body   
faded as his sister's had only a few hours prior. Tears plummeted   
down his cheeks, dripping from his chin to sully the wooden floors   
and thick carpets with acidic despair. Moments crawled to stare,   
and seconds stopped to watch as he disappeared forever; a final   
scream of his beloved's name was the last sound to echo from his   
faded lips.  
  
~^^~  
  
Sleep was hers. Deep-drifting and complete in its silence,   
it enveloped her in the eternity of immobile centuries. Usagi floated,   
tumbled weightlessly, swam from dream to nightmare to dream again,   
unaware of the passing time and her state of unconsciousness. Through   
it all was the splendid thought that Endymion had given her something,   
something so pure and undeniably precious that grew and grew within   
her still-slim form. No true understanding of this passed from her   
heart to her mind, but that did not matter; when she awoke, she knew   
her child would be near birth and he would be with her once more. To   
live a memory may be kinder to the poor soul who has lost her one   
true desire; nevertheless, in the end . . . it will truly only cause   
more pain.  
But it was not Endymion's dulcet, shiver-inducing caresses   
that jerked her from her wondrous slumber. White noise shimmered   
around her prone form, crackling static and voices bouncing endlessly   
from wall to room to floor and back. Her eyes stretched open just   
in time for her to see the doorway shake, the covers float shapeless   
to the floor. The room trembled and spun, and Usagi screamed high and   
piteous. The house did not heed, and neither Endymion nor Toiki could   
rush to her aide, for they had both turned into something worse than   
dust or ashes. As Usagi watched, voiceless and staring, the paint on   
the walls cracked and peeled, the varnished furniture crumbled to   
dirt; pieces of ceiling began to fall, caked with mold and grime,   
aged beyond recognition; what had once been a fabulous room in a   
wordlessly beautiful mansion was fading before her eyes.   
Her feet somehow gained a mind of their own, for in an instant   
she was fairly flying through the hallways and down the stairwells,   
seeking an exit or a place to claim sanctuary.   
All of the hollows were smooth and closed; all of the exits   
shut tightly. She managed to thread herself through one of the   
smoky-glassed windows that the castle boasted. As her legs tripped   
and careened away from Ibusu Shiro, her ears picked up the faint   
beginning strains of a torpid collapse. She turned her head in   
time to see the whole building crumble to unrecognizable ruins   
that blurred to dust through her vagrant tears.  
Paling considerably, she backed away from the rubble, hands   
clutching her stomach protectively. She swiveled on her heel,   
careful to keep her balance and started to sprint down the hill   
to her car. On the way, however, her foot caught in a small rut in   
the grass, perhaps where a stone might have lain, and she fell   
head over heels. She reached the bottom considerably scraped up,   
but with no major injuries, save a massive headache. She felt across   
her belly, searching for movement, for any pains, signs that   
something went wrong. Usagi breathed a slow sigh of relief; perhaps   
it left her lips a moment too soon.  
It was then that a warm trickling began, escalating to a   
coursing river down her leg. She lifted her skirt and reached down   
to touch her calf; her hand came back wet and crimson-brushed with   
blood.  
"No! No, no, no . . ." she whimpered desperately. "You can't   
take this too! It-it's all I have left of him. . . ." The ground   
shook closer as the blood loss started to register in her brain.   
Falling to her knees, drained of any strength or will to resist,   
she allowed herself to succumb to the darkness that might lead to   
death. Floating in that limbo between the worlds, she found she   
couldn't care enough to journey back to consciousness; with neither   
Endymion nor their child, she had no reason left to live.  
  
~^^~   
  
The product of their love truly did miscarry, much to Usagi's   
horror. It was all she had left of him, and she lost that as well.   
But there was nothing she could do, and she knew in the depths of   
her heart that it was never meant to be. Such extreme ends of the   
spectrum should not have met, nor fallen in love, nor attempted to   
procreate. The absurdity of it forced her to laugh, ironic and harsh,   
sounding foreign to her ears.  
Her days after the "accident" were spent in contemplation of   
the universe's perverse sense of humor as the television blinked its   
images. After a while, she didn't know the difference between the   
blue screen that popped up when a channel couldn't be received and   
a bad soap opera; all she saw was his face crowned with the light.  
The nurses were kind enough, she supposed. But then, she   
didn't really desire their sympathy or their pity. Her heart had   
mutilated itself with longing for Endymion, knowing that he was   
never going to return and yet still strove to keep his memory   
fresh instead of obliterating it and moving on.  
On the day she was finally released from the hospital, she   
knew it was only a matter of time before she gave up completely.   
Who am I to live for now that he is gone? And my child . . .   
the poor lost soul now doomed to wander, searching endlessly for   
her mother who will never come. . . . I feel at fault here. Why   
did I have to fall in love with him in so little time? It's almost   
implausible and idiotic, and yet . . . I know this is what the   
fates planned. I should not doubt. I'll try to carry on. He may   
yet return. . . .  
The first rays of sunlight to hit her face after being   
sheltered in the hospital for a month burned into her closed   
eyelids as she turned her face towards them. As she thought of   
the legend of Hyperion, the Sun Titan, she prayed to all that   
was light and good in the Heavens and on Earth that she might   
again hold her Endymion. But in her intuition told a different   
story and she knew, even as she called in prayer to all gods   
in every time, space, and culture, that she would never see   
him again in this life.   
  
~^^~  
  
Usagi's existence without Endymion was a bleak one: rising   
at dawn's hazy light, taking the subway to the paper, listlessly   
typing useless, incomprehensible words at her desk, following the   
crowd of overworked, underpaid, anonymous faces home again,   
slumping on the bed and falling into dreamless slumber. Years   
inched by, Endymion never surfaced again, and she gave up hope   
of ever finding him.   
What have I become? she asked herself as the minutes, hours,   
and days passed. And what will become of me?  
Curling into the empty shell of her former self, she vowed   
that there would never be a time when she would forget him or what   
they had shared. She swore that she would find him, and they would   
regain their fleeting happiness, only this time it would extend   
into infinity.  
Regrettably, Endymion was nowhere to be found though she   
searched decade after decade. He had disappeared as completely   
as a shadow at full noon, leaving no visible trace. She eventually   
gave up, decided that she must go where he had gone, and somehow   
found her way to the wraith-misted cave that had protected him   
whilst Lady Fate had forced his thread of destiny to falter for   
centuries.  
She traveled down the deserted, echoing passageways, seeking   
an unknown end. Finally, she came upon what she sought.   
"A poetic death," she whispered as she stepped closer to   
the edge of the endless abyss and to her demise, "may make my wishes   
come true." Closing her eyes, thinking all the while of her love,   
she gracefully dove off of the side. Float-falling into eternity,   
almost as if asleep, she descended. And thus, she was no more.   
  
~^^~  
  
There can never be a happy ending when a creature of darkness   
seeks to love one of the light. Such a joining would be condemned   
and broken as soon as it strove to exist. Because Usagi and   
Endymion's love sought to merge those two unmixable opposites,   
they were forced to follow separate destinies. Perhaps after many   
reincarnations and centuries, (if Endymion were ever to die, that   
is) they might be happy. And then again, perhaps not, for the gods   
are vindictive and would take great pleasure in keeping their very   
different worlds apart. Someday, however, when planes of time and   
space collide and the planets come into their own once again, it   
will be possible. On that day, if one looks very closely into the   
scrying pool, one will see their figures joyfully embracing amidst   
a snowstorm of wildflowers and sunlight. And darkness will turn   
into light at that moment; ultimate peace will have been achieved.   
  
  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~@Loralei Fairhill   
chapter completed 1/19/02  
  
  
*Bast- the Egyptian God/dess who appears in the form of a cat. Sorry,   
but Greek Gods shapeshifted . . . that wasn't their original form, so   
I couldn't use it. ^^;  
  
Name notes:  
  
Obviously, Endymion and Selene are the shepherd and goddess,   
respectively, from the myth where the moon goddess falls in love   
with a mortal and sends him to sleep for a thousand years so she   
can give him immortality in that sleep.   
  
Toiki means "sigh" in Japanese. After all the pain I put this   
character through, I thought I'd be nice and give her a fitting   
name. I may release the side-story I wrote about her and her love   
Toride ("fortress"), but only if minna writes to me and tells me   
what they thought of this! ^^;  
  
  
*does a little dance* THIRTEEN PAGES! Again, how lucky!! ^_^  
  
  
~^^~ _Awakenings_ (c) Loralei Fairhill 1/19/02 


	3. Aftermath

Aftermath  
A sidestory of Awakenings  
(Part 3, if you will)  
By: Loralei Fairhill  
Rated: R (read: If you can't handle mature material, you   
shouldn't be here.)  
Genre: AR  
  
  
"For some autumn comes early, stays late through life where   
October follows September and November touches October and then   
instead of December and Christ's birth, there is no Bethlehem   
Star, no rejoicing, but September comes again and old October and   
so on down the years, with no winter, spring or revivifying   
summer. For these beings, fall is the ever normal season, the   
only weather, there be no choice beyond. Where do they come from?   
The dust. Where do they go? The grave. Does blood stir in their   
veins? No: the night wind. What ticks in their head? The worm.   
What speaks from their mouth? The toad. What sees from their eye?   
The snake. What hears with their ear? The abyss between the   
stars. They sift the human storm for souls, eat flesh of reason,   
fill tombs with sinners. They frenzy forth. In gusts they beetle-  
scurry, creep, thread, filter, motion, make all moons sullen, and   
surely cloud all clear-run waters. The spider-web hears them,   
trembles--breaks. Such are the autumn people. Beware of them."  
  
~Pastor Newgate Phillips, excerpt from Ray Bradbury's _Something   
Wicked This Way Comes_  
  
  
Music to listen to while reading: Sarah Brightman's "Deliver Me."  
  
  
  
  
*hears groans* Yeah, I know I said that I wasn't going to write   
any more of Awakenings. So you'd be right if you said I lied. ^_~   
I never said I wasn't going to write side-stories, though, I said   
there wouldn't be a resolved ending. This one isn't exactly   
resolved either! ^^;  
  
Officially, this chapter/epilogue wasn't supposed to exist. But   
unofficially, even though I'm a huge fan of evil cliffie endings,   
I just couldn't leave it like that, without hope. So I suppose   
you could say that this isn't part of the story, it's a "side" of   
what MIGHT happen when Usagi reaches the bottom. Call it whatever   
you like, but I thought I'd tell minna that this isn't   
necessarily what occurs after the seppuku, it's my musing . . .   
anyway. I've taken up enough of your time! Read on! *grins*   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
"I don't exist anymore," the voice mumbled, a muffled slip   
of sound against the gloom. "I don't exist. Is this what it is   
like to be dead? How could this have happened? I can't even   
remember what brought me here, to the caverns." A hand shot out   
of the darkness, luminous against the damp void of the chamber.   
The voice's owner stared at it in wonder; it was transparent. "Oh   
G-d, what have I become?" Slumping to the floor, still glowing   
with ethereal light, Usagi fainted.  
  
Whispers echoing off the walls brought the skittering   
shadows to life and surrounded her carefully.   
  
"Who is the girl-child?" one asked, hissing out a breath   
afterwards.  
  
"Why has she come? It was not her time."  
  
"She is damned."  
  
"She is blessed."  
  
"What are we going to do with her?"  
  
"She does not belong here. Let us put her out into the   
world."  
  
"No, no! We cannot do that. She is dam--"  
  
"Blessed! She is blessed."  
  
Opposing growls began as each of the two arguing parties   
tried to force its opinion on the other.  
  
"Silence!" a voice suddenly boomed from the far corner near   
one particularly large rock formation that resembled a waterfall.   
"I shall decide the girl-child's fate. I am the one who knows   
best what Morpheus would have intended for Selene."  
  
"What do you propose we do?" a scratchy-toned entity   
questioned.  
  
"Send her into the world. She was obviously meant to find   
him and her happiness. We must allow her to try. I believe the   
other gods will attempt to stop her . . . but if the girl-child's   
love is true and is destined to overcome all obstacles, she will   
prevail. I have faith." It reached out a tendril of soft wind and   
caressed Usagi's face, then brushed her hair from her forehead.   
"Find him, Selene, as you have always been fated to!" it   
whispered fiercely. "I will be watching . . . do not forget. . . ."  
  
  
~^^~  
  
  
The crystalline tears had long ago dried in the sun's   
light, but her eyes were not yet opened to the new day. Then,   
sluggishly, she raised her face to the rays beating down on her   
body. Her eyes drifted open to find an arching lapis lazuli sky   
above. With small, tentative movements, she started to lift   
herself off of the ground.   
  
"Perhaps I hit my head harder than I thought," Usagi mused   
as she glanced around. The meadow in which she had been lying   
bordered the far edge of a wisp-shadowed glade. Her surroundings   
were completely unfamiliar. Dazed, she wondered aloud, "Wait, hit   
my head on what and when?" With her thoughts muddled together,   
she couldn't make sense of anything except that she had no idea   
where she was or what her name could possibly be.  
  
"You must not forget--" a voice screeched all of the sudden   
from the deep recesses of her mind.  
  
"Forget? Forget what?" she muttered.   
  
"--your purpose!" it reminded her. Suddenly, the opaque   
dust-clouds that were caught in her brain scattered and her   
memories flooded through in a torrent.   
  
"I am Selene . . . it's all so clear to me now . . . but   
where is my Endymion?" Her heart twisted painfully as she   
recalled his demise. Oh, the gods are cruel, she wept out   
silently.   
  
"You may find him again, Tsukino Usagi. He will always know   
you." She could feel it smiling somehow.   
  
"Beloved Hypnos," she sighed and shook her head, "how will   
I ever be able to repay your kindness?"  
  
Growing fainter word by word, the reply came, "Do not. This   
has been woven into the cloth of life already. I wish only to   
help the future into existence."  
  
The corners of her mouth started to inch themselves into   
some semblance of a smile. "Dear god of dreams, you'll never   
regret the second chance you've given me this day," she said as   
she dusted herself off and, humming her siren song, took up her   
quest once more.  
  
  
~^^~  
  
  
Yes, the gods are vindictive, but not all. Fortunately,   
there are those who would aid fellow immortals in need, going   
even as far as resurrecting the dead to ensure that a wish was   
fulfilled. Perhaps the day when darkness turns to light isn't so   
very far off as one might think.  
  
  
  
THE END  
  
  
  
  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~@Loralei Fairhill   
chapter completed 6/17/01  
  
  
  
Perhaps this will generate more feedback? (If the nice ending   
didn't already . . . I hope!)  
  
  
POLL:  
  
1] Do you like shapeshifter Endy better than vampire Endy (or   
vampire Mamoru)?  
  
a) Yes, yes, a thousand times yes! He's so much sexier when he's   
a soul-eater.   
b) G-d no, the thought of stealing someone's life force makes me   
cringe. Give me a good ol' bloodsucker any day!  
c) I don't like this kind of fiction. *hides under desk* It makes   
me frightened of monsters lurking in every corner, especially   
under my bed! ;_;  
  
d) I'm a politician. No comment.  
e} They're both so hot, I can't choose! @_@  
  
  
2] Did you like the "nice" ending better than the "sad" one?  
  
a) Yes  
b) No  
c) I'm ambivalent  
d) Wait, what was the question again?  
  
  
3] What did you like about this 'fic? (free response)  
  
  
4] What didn't you like about this 'fic? (free response)  
  
  
5] This is where the reminder to email me goes:   
Loralei1300@aol.com  
  
  
6] Note: You didn't have to answer all of the questions. . . .   
You could've just emailed me and told me what you liked/didn't   
like/thought was horrible/loved, etc. about this 'fic! I love   
readers . . . yes I do! @_@ Loralei be going now . . . until next   
time, minna! --luff 


	4. Chosen Death

Chosen Death  
(A side-story of Awakenings)  
Part: 1/1  
By: Loralei Fairhill  
Rated: R  
Genre: AR   
  
  
Okay, so I left Toiki's past blank on purpose so I could write   
this side-story. Things happen and I get ideas and then I write   
them. So here's a little musing from the darker part of my mind   
(a lot like Awakenings is). Please note that the poetry is MINE   
and if you decide to be an awful person and steal it, I'll have   
my copyright lawyers at your neck so fast you won't even know   
what hit you. I promise. --; Otherwise, please enjoy, and email   
me any comments, questions, compliments, etc. you might have! As   
always, no flame policy stands (Blue Rose will kick your butt if   
you even try. . . . *smiles sweetly*). Anyway, address is:  
  
  
Loralei1300@aol.com   
  
  
(scroll down for 'fic)  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Amidst the ashes  
I stood trembling  
my ambition splintered  
my values torn  
my passion fallen to the floor  
Why you, even you  
couldn't help me   
turn into a phoenix  
to rise again.  
  
  
  
It was that day, I recall, and no other, when I saw my   
destiny through the window of the scrying pool. Mother said,   
"Never touch the bowl or the sacred water or the special   
ingredients one must add to see the future," but I did not heed   
her warning. My head was full of the dreams of youth, and I   
yearned with surprising fierceness to see what lay ahead of me.  
  
So I went to the waters, to the crystal spring in the woods,   
the only one that helps the dew-flowers grow in brilliant hues of   
crimson and indigo. Of the flowers, I took only one of each color   
and wove them carefully into my shining raven-black hair. Then I   
dipped my water vessel into the crystalline depths of the pool   
nearest to where the mouth of the spring spouted its fresh magic.   
  
Hurrying back to the compound with my treasure, I stashed   
the jug in my chambers and rushed to Mother's connecting room to   
steal the other ingredients: elf-shot, bella donna, holly   
berries, white lilies. Ingredients so poisonous in their nature   
that they might overwhelm the scryer with their power. Foolishly,   
I ignored their ability to kill, thinking with childish fancy   
that I was immortal.  
  
I procured the silver filigree bowl last. I can still see   
its glinting round face staring up at me like an all-seeing eye   
as I snatched it from our alter and stole back to the place where   
I would perform the ceremony.  
  
The wind whipped suddenly through my open skylight, filled   
to the brim with watchful stars, and blew out the wax candle I   
had burning for light to see and arrange the stolen items by.   
That was the signal I had been waiting for to begin.   
  
After placing the ingredients on a piece of cream velvet, I   
lit nine tallow candles, surrounding myself in a circle of   
protective white. Uttering the incantation carefully, for if I   
mispronounced even one word I was as good as dead, I poured   
thirty-six drops of the sacred pool's life-water into the bowl,   
followed by the leaves, berries and flowers necessary to open the   
portal to the Fates' world.  
  
Inhaling the aroma of a thousand truths, I peered closer   
into the silvery glimmer of the water. Lucidly shining in front   
of me was my own face, yet the eyes were so very different and   
full of wisdom. I smiled slightly and pushed closer, never   
breaking eye contact with my reflection.   
  
Then the impossible happened. I was no longer kneeling in   
the three by three circle, but running along a forest path in a   
place I had never seen before. Heavy footsteps trailed behind me,   
and then a voice, so familiar, shouted to me, "Toiki, wait! I can   
explain!"   
  
I tried to drag my feet back then, but I found that I had   
no control over my own body, no control over anything. Perhaps, I   
thought suddenly, I've fallen asleep during the ritual and this   
is merely a dream? No, I realized with sudden clarity, this can   
be no dream. I feel the stones dig into my sandals as I flee from   
this man, who cries my name with such anguished love. . . .  
  
"Toiki, please . . . please, don't go! I-I love you! We-we   
were meant to be-to be together . . ." he said, fading off. And   
my eyes, looking ahead, saw a quarter-eternity of loneliness   
threaded into the shafts of tree-sunlight.  
  
With a sudden gasp, I came out of my trance-like state.   
There was so much more, I knew. The man . . . my future   
lover . . . and as I thought those words, I could feel his   
burning kisses scorch my flesh, scarring my eyes, my cheeks, my   
lips with their desire. . . . He was a phantom called forth from   
the future; I had invited him with my chase, lured him back to a   
present where I was simply a child of sixteen. Nameless, but so   
very beautiful, he began to materialize, and I welcomed him into   
my embrace. He was the first and only man to have me.  
  
Later on, I awoke in his arms. The circle still surrounded   
us with its brilliant white purity, but the ground ran red with   
blood. It was mine, I discovered as I glanced down at my robes. I   
decided to pay it no mind for the time being and began to doze   
once more. He started from sleep then, however, and shifted me   
off of him.   
  
"Where am I?" he said in a sleepy tone, running a lazy hand   
through his sleep-ruffled hair.  
  
"With me," I answered. "Just as you should be."  
  
"Toiki? But . . . you ran. I couldn't catch you, and you   
wouldn't stop to listen." Surprise colored his voice rich tones   
that sang in my ears.  
  
"I listened. The Toiki you knew didn't know how," I said   
carefully, unsure of the method I might use to broach the issue   
of bringing him from the future to me accidentally.  
  
Smiling softly, he replied, "You are the Toiki I know," and   
kissed me urgently, as if it were the last time he would ever see   
me. I returned his fervor, knowing that in my foolishness, I had   
forced our strings of destiny to intertwine earlier than they   
should have, and I would be doomed much too soon; my youth would   
be now be destroyed with depression and longing for something   
that might not return for centuries. . . .  
  
"You'll have to go soon," I remarked afterwards, laying my   
head on top of his smooth, muscular chest.   
  
"Yes."  
  
"I won't see you again for a very long time."  
  
"Yes."  
  
"Tell me your name so I'll remember who to search for."  
  
"Toride," he said softly, his breath hot on my neck.  
  
"Toride," I repeated.  
  
"A sigh is useless against a fortress, Toiki-ko. Far too   
easily crushed. . . ."   
  
"I'll take my chances," I said firmly. "I know what I   
want."  
  
"And that is?" He raised a questioning eyebrow at my   
determination.  
  
"You."  
  
When I woke up a few hours later, he was gone. I could only   
speculate that he must have vanished as easily as he had come.   
The quarter-eternity I had seen coalescing in between the trees   
would be how long I would have to wait for him to come to me once   
more.  
  
  
~^^~  
  
I cannot regret my imbecility at trying to hurry the future   
for it brought Toride to me, but . . . somehow the life I would   
have led had I not given in to childish wishes during those hours   
seems to me happier than the one I live now. The only hope I gain   
from my experience is the one that my new brother, Endymion,   
brings. The scrying pool has shown me this: if I follow him, I   
will find my love. So I will survive the necessary years in any   
way I can, and then my end will come. But to do this, I must die.   
And you, even you, Mother, can't stop this thing from coming. It   
is my chosen death; I welcome it with open arms and open heart.   
See, how perfect? My flesh is one with the air, my spirit is part   
of the elements, my heart is the same as the wind. In this form,   
I will seek him, and in this form, I will attain paradise.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~@Loralei Fairhill   
chapter completed 6/22/01  
  
  
  
  
As always, minna, I write for myself and no one else (because it   
makes me happy ^_^), but should you happen to enjoy this story of   
mine, please email me and tell me about it! I do love to hear   
from readers; email really brightens up my day! And I guarantee a   
response to every single email I get no matter what. What other   
author promises that? ^^;; The address is:  
  
  
Loralei1300@aol.com   
  
  
And once more:  
  
  
Loralei1300@aol.com  
  
  
  
  
  
~^^~ _Awakenings_ (c) Loralei Fairhill 1/19/02 


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